Monday, November 3, 2008

A little update

Well, I've gotten through the numb/in shock phase and I'm now in the very angry/pissed off phase. *sigh*

I was fortunate enough to receive a pretty nice severence package, so hubs and I are thinking that I should just take the month of December off to figure out what I want to do, and then start actively searching in January. Ideally, I would like to win the lottery. I'd still work, because I like having a schedule and structure, but I'd do something *fun* (like work at a florist, an animal shelter, etc.) regardless of the benefits, pay, etc. But as hubs pointed out, I'd have to play the lotto in order to possibly win the lotto. Doh.

Honestly, I'm just really down in the dumps. I am aware that this isn't personal, but that doesn't make it sting any less. I'm really concerned about the insurance. I can get Cobra, but as we all know, it's very expensive. I checked...for me, only me, it will cost me more than what I'm paying now for hubs and myself together. And what I'm paying for us together isn't cheap either.

This is all weighing so heavily on me. I felt sick to my stomach all weekend. I wanted to work on crafts, but just couldn't get into it. I couldn't sleep well. I couldn't watch TV. I couldn't read. I just felt out of sorts. I went to the square to walk around and window shop at the antique stores just to keep myself busy, but I just wasn't enjoying myself.

I have a lot to think about. Do I want to continue in this career path? Do I want to do something entirely different? I don't know. And what stinks is that I feel pressured to make a decision. Not pressured by anyone but myself. I have worked so hard all of my life to get to this point. I put myself through school, sometimes working 2 and 3 jobs while taking a full load of classes. I busted my rump. I never had a summer off. I've never been a lazy person. I've always had a plan. And now I don't. And that really freaks me out.

I think I'll take December to work on crafts that I never have time to do. I have a whole list of things I want to make. I have print-outs and tear-sheets from magazines with things I've been wanting to work on for a while, but just have always been too busy. I can also use the time to finish some projects around the house, do some deep cleaning, etc.

A really awesome coworker of mine said this is probably not a good time to be thinking about jobs right now anyway. He said that it's too fresh, that it would be good to "take some time off" so that I can clear my head and make a good decision instead of a hasty one. I agree with that, but in the meantime, I won't be able to enjoy anything. I hate uncertainty.

It's very difficult going in to the office everyday right now. We are all having a hard time concentrating, trying to finish projects and tie up loose ends. Plus, having to see everyone who didn't get laid off huddled together, whispering...it's just almost too much to take.

:(

21 comments:

AJ said...

I feel so bad for you. I know the feeling you are describing-you just don't know what to do with yourself. I wish I had some wise words of wisdon for you but I've never been in this situation personally. I'm going through it with my husband but it's probably still not the same. Just know that I'm thinking of you and things will eventually work out. You may not know the answers right now, but that's ok. Sometimes learning about yourself and the things you experience along the way are much more valuable. Don't forget you can email me if you ever need:) Hang in there!!

alvn said...

In difficult times when things do not go according to what I thought was the plan, I always recall a line from my favorite movie, "The Sound of Music". Maria said, "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." While it does not change the situation, it helps me focus on the positive potential of the future instead of the closed door of the past. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Amy

Sandy Toes said...

I feel so bad for you! It must be so difficult to have to go in there and complete the work!!! Hang in there...change is difficult and the unknown is so hard...but you seem like a very hard worker and an asset to any company...someone will "grab" you!

You are in my thoughts and prayers!
-sandy toes

Carrie said...

I completely understand where you are my job ended three months ago after working there for six years. I just can't seem to get back in the swing of things. Hang in there I hope thing will get better for us both!

ka1t_lyn said...

I feel so bad for you, and you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry, I wish I could say/do more.

Domestic Diva....NOT said...

I'm really sorry for the loss of your job. I understand where you are at & the not knowing what is to come is the worst :) I will keep you in my prayers ;)

Lisa said...

I'm sorry as well to hear about your job misfortune. It seems times are so uncertain especially at the moment. However, the optimistic in me just wanted to say that God has a reason for everything and maybe this will open up new opportunities to do something different? I can definitley understand the "uncertainty" as I stay at home with my two little ones and my husband's field of work is very very slow at the moment. It is scary. Hope your spirits are lifted and everything works out for the best.

Will be thinking of you and your situation.

-Lisa

Leah said...

Oh GA this sucks. I am so sorry! You and B will be in my prayers.

Gwen said...

I kept thinking of the one door closes, another opens bit too. Seems so cliche, but it's true.

Have you ever thought about any free lance writing? That might be something to look into that could take your mind off the major decisions for a while until you are sure of which direction you want to take.

Thinking of you...

Jenni @ nest to keep said...

I am so sorry this happened to you. That would be really difficult. It would be hard to go to work and feel any motivation whatsoever!

I hope that December surprises you & you are able to enjoy the time. It sounds like you haven't ever really had that before, and I bet you need it!

Maybe you COULD work somewhere you truly wanted to, like you said. Maybe something so perfect will come along and surprise you.

I am keeping you in my prayers!

Sweet Simplicity said...

This is a tough situation! I, too, hate uncertainty so I can only imagine what you are feeling like right now. I'm praying that the perfect job will open up for you! Keep us updated!

Reynie said...

I hate this for you! I know I should say something positive like "it's a learning experience" or "out of every bad thing comes something good," but what I'll say instead is not so positive... this just sucks! Take the time to do the things you want to do. Enjoy the time you have off! {hugs}

thedomesticfringe said...

I'm real sorry about your job. It's my first visit to your site and I do love the header. Taking Dec. off is probably a really good idea.

Junk Sophisticate said...

You have every right to be pissed. Good advice from your coworker. Take the time you need and enjoy the things you love during that time.

Can a person make a living helping animals? If so, you would be fantastic!

Candy

Shannon said...

I am so sorry about your job! Glad you get to take Decemeber off though! I have a question for you but would rather email it. Can you send me your email address at row35401(at)yahoo(dot)com Thanks!!

My home - My life said...

Thanks for voicing your opinion on my blog!

Miss(es) Canadian Pie said...

Just was thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. Hope all is well.

Buzzings of a Queen Bee! said...

You poor thing. I can't imagine going into that environment every day. I think it sounds wonderful to take off in December and then revisit the whole thing in January. Most work places seem to slow down in December anyway. I am so sorry you have to deal with all this!
Carrie

Manuela said...

I'm sorry you lost your job! I don't know what you've decided about insurance but, when my husband was told in April that his job was being elminated, I found that getting our own insurance was cheaper. I checked BC/BS but we were going to go with Kaiser as we have a facility around the corner and it was better coverage (for three people). So you might want to check into that.

Manuela

Valarie said...

I read this post a few days ago, and was also surprised by the similarity to our company. It's sad- it has been said numerous times, when faced with a recession (or general downturn) the companies that continue to advertise are the ones that succeed later. Yet, they always cut back, advertising is the first "expendable" place for companies to cut.
I hate this for you. I have seen it here too, not just the laying off, I have very little work coming across my desk, and I get so bored.
Things will pick up, and hopefully with your experience, you will find something quick.

Sunny said...

Thanks for "following" me. It did work, so I don't know what the error message was about. I've learned that sometimes in Bloggerland things don't always make sense. That said, girlie, I don't know how I missed this post of yours! My heart breaks for you. I complain and complain about my job but here you are so badly wanting yours. I'm so sorry that the staying there people make you feel sad. I pray that God would just miraculously open a door for you and put you right in a spot that once you get there you think that only God can make such amazing things happen! Like you were the missing puzzle piece and it all makes sense why this happened. (((HUG)))