Well, I've gotten through the numb/in shock phase and I'm now in the very angry/pissed off phase. *sigh*
I was fortunate enough to receive a pretty nice severence package, so hubs and I are thinking that I should just take the month of December off to figure out what I want to do, and then start actively searching in January. Ideally, I would like to win the lottery. I'd still work, because I like having a schedule and structure, but I'd do something *fun* (like work at a florist, an animal shelter, etc.) regardless of the benefits, pay, etc. But as hubs pointed out, I'd have to play the lotto in order to possibly win the lotto. Doh.
Honestly, I'm just really down in the dumps. I am aware that this isn't personal, but that doesn't make it sting any less. I'm really concerned about the insurance. I can get Cobra, but as we all know, it's very expensive. I checked...for me, only me, it will cost me more than what I'm paying now for hubs and myself together. And what I'm paying for us together isn't cheap either.
This is all weighing so heavily on me. I felt sick to my stomach all weekend. I wanted to work on crafts, but just couldn't get into it. I couldn't sleep well. I couldn't watch TV. I couldn't read. I just felt out of sorts. I went to the square to walk around and window shop at the antique stores just to keep myself busy, but I just wasn't enjoying myself.
I have a lot to think about. Do I want to continue in this career path? Do I want to do something entirely different? I don't know. And what stinks is that I feel pressured to make a decision. Not pressured by anyone but myself. I have worked so hard all of my life to get to this point. I put myself through school, sometimes working 2 and 3 jobs while taking a full load of classes. I busted my rump. I never had a summer off. I've never been a lazy person. I've always had a plan. And now I don't. And that really freaks me out.
I think I'll take December to work on crafts that I never have time to do. I have a whole list of things I want to make. I have print-outs and tear-sheets from magazines with things I've been wanting to work on for a while, but just have always been too busy. I can also use the time to finish some projects around the house, do some deep cleaning, etc.
A really awesome coworker of mine said this is probably not a good time to be thinking about jobs right now anyway. He said that it's too fresh, that it would be good to "take some time off" so that I can clear my head and make a good decision instead of a hasty one. I agree with that, but in the meantime, I won't be able to enjoy anything. I hate uncertainty.
It's very difficult going in to the office everyday right now. We are all having a hard time concentrating, trying to finish projects and tie up loose ends. Plus, having to see everyone who didn't get laid off huddled together, whispering...it's just almost too much to take.