Do you ever have days where you just don't want to get out of bed?

Saturday morning ramblings...



Most days I'm feeling good. I feel blessed. God has truly taken care of us during these times where so many people are having struggles with finances, health and more. And I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I am grateful. I'm so very thankful to the Lord for watching out for us, keeping us under His wing. But sometimes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I don't know what is in the future. For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan of action, a goal. And it's scary! The thought of going back to a corporate environment is so unappealing. I've been there and done that. I just want a simple life. My goal isn't (and never has been) to shoot up the corporate ladder. All I ever wanted was to do what I enjoy and be happy. However, after six months of being at home, I'm not quite sure what that is anymore. I've lost quite a bit of confidence in my abilities. Ideally, I'd love to find something creative that I could do from home, however, those opportunities seem to be few and far between, as are "regular" opportunities for that matter. I wish I didn't have this burden that I put on myself. I can't seem to find the motivation to do things I enjoy much less things I need to do because I'm a responsible adult. I don't know how to light my fire. So many other things I'd hoped for that can't or won't ever happen. But through it all, I still try to remain thankful. Sometimes I find it difficult not to be angry. I'm human, I can't help it. Then I try to remember that God is near, and His plan is better than any other I could have for myself. I just wish I had a little bit of guidance to show me the way...

Crime and punishment

The crime.



The perpetrator.



Notice how she won't even look me in the eye.

Does this face say "guilty" or what?



The punishment: a heavy dose of scolding. It hurts her feelings (as you can see by picture #3).

Yuck.

Guess what I got for Christmas

A white hair.

Yes, my first one. If it were gray, I could say that it's a sign of wisdom and maturity (yeah, right).

But it's not even gray, it's pure white.

I noticed this because I was in the bathroom last night looking at my roots, contemplating my natural color (which hasn't existed since I was 15). I've been letting my hair got a little longer than I normally would since I'm not at work. I was looking at my awful roots when I noticed a shiny strand starting at the very top of my head. At first I thought that maybe it's blonde. Really blonde. But since I have 2 inches of roots, that wouldn't be possible.

I plucked that sucker out and called my mother, hoping for some kind of reassurance. Instead I received boisterous laughter on the phone. She said "It's a right of passage."

Look here lady, I'm not ready to pass through that door yet!

It's official. I'm middle-aged.

I'm halfway to 70. I'm 5 years away from 40. When did I get this old? How did it happen? How did 35 sneak up on me?



Hubs and I had a nice birthday lunch before he had to leave for a gig for this evening. I plan on taking a nice long nap in a little while. And when I get up, I'll continue to tweak my resume. Sounds like an exciting birthday, doesn't it? :) Maybe, in honor of my new middle-aged-ness, I'll drink a glass of warm milk, take an aspirin and go to bed at 8pm. :)

In other news, I filed for unemployment online today. I've never had to do that before. I am wondering though...the website says I have to make five contacts per week. What if there aren't five contacts to be made? I mean seriously, I only saw ONE job that is SOMEWHAT related to what I do. Somewhat. Not really even that much. So do I just contact people/companies that have nothing to do with what I do just to make that quota? What do they expect you to do in that type of instance? Any advice would be great, because this is just all so overwhelming to me. One of my coworkers said he feels shameful for filing for it. I don't. The way I look at it is that I've paid into the system all these years that I've worked (since I was 16, with no breaks), and I was laid off. I earned what little $ I'll get from it.

I'm done putting up my Christmas trees. I'll take pics tonight and share tomorrow. Between putting up my mother's decorations for her over thanksgiving, and putting up my 10 c-mas trees, I'm done. I was so excited thinking I'd share in the blog festivities of holiday decor, but I don't have it in me anymore. My trees are up, and that's all I'm going to do. Well, not entirely true. I did put up the dogs' stockings and a couple of things throughout the house, but honestly, I only put out about 1/5 of my holiday decor. I'm just not in the mood.

As you can tell, I'm having a difficult time adjusting. I swear, I'll get out of this funk eventually. I think I'm entitled to it right now though. I've actually been feeling a little better about it all. But today I'm kind of sad. It's not fun spending your birthday by yourself. Because of hub's work, I've had to spend quite a few by myself. And anniversaries. Oh well.

I do have something to look forward to though! I got two pairs of cowboy boots on ebay for my birthday present from hubs! And I got them for way cheap!! I'm always looking out for a bargain! If they arrive in time, I'm going to wear them to one of his gigs this weekend. I haven't bought cowboy boots in such a long time. The last pair I got was way back in the day when Justin lace-up ropers were in style. I didn't know they had gone out of style, but the lady at Pinks Western Wear said they had. Hm. So, being a bargain shopper, I went to the western store, tried on several pairs for sizing, then found some on ebay for CHEAP! Yay me! One is a pair of gorgeous brown Dan Post boots, which probably retails for $150. I got them for $16!! I thought shoot, for that price, it would be sinful to not get them. AND!!! My best score: a pair of killer black Lucchese boots with white stitching, brand spanking new, for $76! They retail for about $300+. Yay me! My frugality pays off once again!

Oh! I hear the dogs at the front door barking...I wonder if my boots came in the mail?!

Edited to add: the brown pair came! And they fit. like. a. glove! (Can you see my fur socks? Yep, I haven't shaved my legs in days. I hope this doesn't become a habit. Yuck.)

A little update

Well, I've gotten through the numb/in shock phase and I'm now in the very angry/pissed off phase. *sigh*

I was fortunate enough to receive a pretty nice severence package, so hubs and I are thinking that I should just take the month of December off to figure out what I want to do, and then start actively searching in January. Ideally, I would like to win the lottery. I'd still work, because I like having a schedule and structure, but I'd do something *fun* (like work at a florist, an animal shelter, etc.) regardless of the benefits, pay, etc. But as hubs pointed out, I'd have to play the lotto in order to possibly win the lotto. Doh.

Honestly, I'm just really down in the dumps. I am aware that this isn't personal, but that doesn't make it sting any less. I'm really concerned about the insurance. I can get Cobra, but as we all know, it's very expensive. I checked...for me, only me, it will cost me more than what I'm paying now for hubs and myself together. And what I'm paying for us together isn't cheap either.

This is all weighing so heavily on me. I felt sick to my stomach all weekend. I wanted to work on crafts, but just couldn't get into it. I couldn't sleep well. I couldn't watch TV. I couldn't read. I just felt out of sorts. I went to the square to walk around and window shop at the antique stores just to keep myself busy, but I just wasn't enjoying myself.

I have a lot to think about. Do I want to continue in this career path? Do I want to do something entirely different? I don't know. And what stinks is that I feel pressured to make a decision. Not pressured by anyone but myself. I have worked so hard all of my life to get to this point. I put myself through school, sometimes working 2 and 3 jobs while taking a full load of classes. I busted my rump. I never had a summer off. I've never been a lazy person. I've always had a plan. And now I don't. And that really freaks me out.

I think I'll take December to work on crafts that I never have time to do. I have a whole list of things I want to make. I have print-outs and tear-sheets from magazines with things I've been wanting to work on for a while, but just have always been too busy. I can also use the time to finish some projects around the house, do some deep cleaning, etc.

A really awesome coworker of mine said this is probably not a good time to be thinking about jobs right now anyway. He said that it's too fresh, that it would be good to "take some time off" so that I can clear my head and make a good decision instead of a hasty one. I agree with that, but in the meantime, I won't be able to enjoy anything. I hate uncertainty.

It's very difficult going in to the office everyday right now. We are all having a hard time concentrating, trying to finish projects and tie up loose ends. Plus, having to see everyone who didn't get laid off huddled together, whispering...it's just almost too much to take.

:(

You know what they say about opinions...(and "operation neighborhood boo" update)

Well, here's mine.

I know I won't make any friends with this, but this is my opinion, as it may be.

I don't understand why some people (my friend and her husband, for example) take their kids trick-or-treating, but won't pass out candy to other kids. In all honesty, it kind of irks me. And I'll tell you why. It seems to me that if you are going to participate, you should reciprocate. Heck, I don't even have kids and I fork out a good amount of money for candy for the neighborhood kids. When I was young, one parent would take us out, and the other would stay home and pass out candy (other than maybe our very first time trick-or-treating). They may even switch half-way through if they wanted to join in on the fun. But the point is, I just don't understand not being a kind neighbor and passing out candy if you are going out and collecting some.



And while we're at it, this bothers me too. The other evening, the school up the road hosted a Trunk or Treat event. I just don't like Trunk or Treat. I somewhat understand the reasoning for it, but honestly, I think it's ruining Halloween. Over the last few years, we've had fewer and fewer trick-or-treaters, but more school/church sponsored Trunk or Treat events. A friend once told me that the reason they do it is because it's safer. It's safer to let your child go up to the TRUNKS of strangers for hand-outs? How is that any different than having your child go to the door of your neighbors? And really, wouldn't it be easier for an evil person to snatch an unsuspecting child and leave in their car than on their doorstep? If parents (or an adult in charge) is taking the kids door-to-door, then how is it that much more dangerous than Trunk or Treat?

It just seems to me that Trunk or Treat is taking away a much-loved, time-old tradition that gets the neighborhood together to particpate in a fun activity. I remember trick-or-treating would also allow us to meet new neighbors. We had a blast! I'm not about to hoof it up to the school to set up my trunk. Not that I could, because it's for parents whose children attend the school. And being that I don't have any, I couldn't participate even if I wanted to. Gah!



In other news, I don't think my "operation neighborhood BOO" has taken off. :( Finally, by Saturday evening, all bags that I had left out on the porches of my neighbors had disappeared. So I assumed that maybe in the next day or two I'd see more signs showing up in windows. Wrong. Only one of the 3 houses I left bags for put their "we were boo'd" sign up. So I take that to mean the other two aren't participating.

Dang it.

And I thought maybe I'd see other houses with signs, you know, from being Boo'd by the one house that I knew was playing along. Nope. Nothing.

Well that really bites.

Maybe I hit up the wrong houses. Here's the funny thing...the two houses that AREN'T playing along have children. The one house that IS playing along doesn't. Hm. What gives?



This week has been a bad week (can't you tell? ha!). I'm on edge (uncertainty at work...layoffs coming soon...no news or hints or anything, so the office environment is darn near crazy). Rumor has it this Friday will be the "big day." Hopefully after 8 years with my company, I'll still be employed. *sigh* So if you can spare any prayers, I'd appreciate it!

I hope the rest of your week is nice! :)

Booing around the 'hood

I've heard about booing (or ghosting or spooking) that goes on in neighborhoods across America, but have never lived in a neighborhood that participated. Either that or nobody likes us and therefore we didn't get booed. Shocking, I know, but possible.

I've been reading so many blogs where people are doing this. I wanted to join in on the fun! I'm determined to spread some kindness through the neighborhood!

Some background...Most of the folks in our area of the neighborhood are older...about to retire, retired or one foot in the grave. There aren't many people our age, with the exception of our next door neighbors (who we've become very good friends with since they bought their house about 2 years ago) and one or two other couples down the street.

When we first bought our house, I was told by the lady across the street that the ladies of the neighborhood have a weekly "ladies coffee." I was so thrilled! (I longed for a neighborhood where people were actually neighborly and would get together, have block parties, BBQs, holiday events, etc.) Unfortunately, these coffees are held on Wednesday mornings. Which doesn't jive when you work full time. *sigh* So no ladies coffee for me. Boo hiss.

My next door neighbor went to a garage sale down the street a year or so ago. The lady who was having the sale happened to fall into the "one foot into the grave" category. Old lady was talking to another old lady neighbor about some get-together they were having for the ladies on the block. Next door neighbor expressed interest, only to be told by old lady that "oh, this really isn't for you. You young girls should go have your own thing."

Really?! Did old lady just diss next door neighbor, strictly based on her age?! Yes, as a matter of fact she did.

That really irrated me. We may be 100 years younger than most of the ladies in the 'hood, but we're still homeowners here and nice people, too. We'd still love to get together with the old ladies and be neighborly.

Isn't going to happen, apparently. (Truth be told, she was the only person to come off that way. The other neighbors are actually quite nice, even if they do mostly keep to themselves.)

So after reading about all the booing going on around America, I decided to spread some love to the folks here, whether they like it or not. :)

I made all of the appropriate information (poem, rules, boo sign).







I gathered up the important supplies...



Filled the bags...



Sammi wanted to double check my packaging skills (she's nearly blind and almost completely deaf, but her sniffer still works)...



Checked the time so that it was nice and late so nobody would see me...



Made sure I was ready to be sneaky...



And delivered the bags to the doorsteps of unsuspecting neighbors. I walked up to one house and discovered that their walkway was littered with acorns, voiding out my wicked ninja skills. I didn't want to be discovered, so I left and went to another house. It really was loud...every step I took sounded like bubble wrap popping. I didn't want to wake anyone up. It was midnight after all.

Tomorrow morning I'll do a quick walk around the block and see if the bags were found. I hope so, and I hope this helps to spread some fun around the neighborhood!

My dirty little secret

I have something to share with you.

It's quite embarrassing, actually.

Be prepared to scream in horror. You might even want to hide your eyes.

Oh yes. It's true. This is my craft room.

Everyone in blog land posts pictures of their perfectly decorated rooms, with its clean floors, dusted surfaces and absense of clutter. But this is reality folks.

I'm not afraid to admit it.

My craft room is a disaster. I assure you the rest of my home is not like this.

Because I am the only one who uses this room, it tends to become the pit of hell where craft supplies go to die.

It was organized at one time. I have lots of shelves and containers and cubbies and labels. Somewhere along the line, this feat in organization has gone haywire. I start projects, then either get bored or busy with something else, and it sits. Add another project to the mix, and well, you see how this goes. For some people, it's a drawer in the kitchen. Maybe it's a closet or a garage or basement. For me, it's my craft room.



Are you embarrassed to know me?

So what is your dirty little secret?

The truth hurts

I was at Hobby Lobby after work picking up a few essentials (or non-essentials in Hub's eyes), one being a new can of spray paint. Hobby Lobby has theirs locked up in an attempt keep all of those under-18-year-olds from huffing paint. There are even nice big signs in neon pink stating that you must be 18 years old to purchase this drug, er, paint, and ID may be required.

I look around and find two late teen/early 20 somethings and ask them to open the case so I can get my can. Girl #1 takes Girl #2 (possibly in training) to the office to get the keys to the paint huffing case. I'm standing there waiting patiently, browsing the goods on the rest of the aisle in the meantime. I notice them coming my way, and Girl #1 is explaining to Girl #2 the procedures. I hear her say "The customer must be 18 to purchase. Oh yeah, she looks like she's older than 18."

Hmph.

Really? Did she have to say it out loud? Yeah, I know. I'm 34. But couldn't she have asked for my ID just to be nice? Maybe she'll see the valuing in that when she's 34.

Next time I'll go to Michael's instead, where their paint is not locked up and there are no neon pink signs plastered to the wall. And then I'll hit the spa and ask for a nice microderm abrasion treatment with a side of bran or fiber while on my way to the Senior Center.

S.O.S.

I can't figure out bloglines. I can't for the life of me figure out how to add the blogs I'm following. Any advice on how to do this?

And while we're at it, I can't figure out where to put the code for the cool backgrounds. I know you go to "edit templates" but then I have no idea WHERE in that big box of googlygoop that you paste in the new codes.

This is why I majored in journalism/advertising and not computers. Or math. Bah!