Most days I'm feeling good. I feel blessed. God has truly taken care of us during these times where so many people are having struggles with finances, health and more. And I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I am grateful. I'm so very thankful to the Lord for watching out for us, keeping us under His wing. But sometimes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I don't know what is in the future. For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan of action, a goal. And it's scary! The thought of going back to a corporate environment is so unappealing. I've been there and done that. I just want a simple life. My goal isn't (and never has been) to shoot up the corporate ladder. All I ever wanted was to do what I enjoy and be happy. However, after six months of being at home, I'm not quite sure what that is anymore. I've lost quite a bit of confidence in my abilities. Ideally, I'd love to find something creative that I could do from home, however, those opportunities seem to be few and far between, as are "regular" opportunities for that matter. I wish I didn't have this burden that I put on myself. I can't seem to find the motivation to do things I enjoy much less things I need to do because I'm a responsible adult. I don't know how to light my fire. So many other things I'd hoped for that can't or won't ever happen. But through it all, I still try to remain thankful. Sometimes I find it difficult not to be angry. I'm human, I can't help it. Then I try to remember that God is near, and His plan is better than any other I could have for myself. I just wish I had a little bit of guidance to show me the way...
9 comments:
Thanks for being so honest about your situation...wishing you a more happy future!!!
sandy toe
You know it was a hard road for my family,all I can say is faith. Some days will be harder than others.
Have you seen the movie "fireproof". Wish we had seen it during our really hard time.
Listen to this song, it's wonderful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFwZ7Ekg080
You are so honest and that's amazing. I still struggle with who I am everyday. (((Hugs))) Praying God shows you his plan soon.
I'll be praying you will have clear direction from God soon. Thanks for sharing!
You and I have talked about similar things a couple of times, so forgive me if this is repetitive. When I had my 'couple months of living on the couch,' I couldn't find the will to get up and do anything. I could have used the time to write my book, but since I wasn't sitting on the couch for that purpose, it was hard to try to force myself. (If that makes any sense). I remember the only time in my life that I have ever been able to force myself to exercise was when I was in college, had a job and was going out all the time.
If I have one thing to do, I wont do it. If I have 20, I will get all 20 finished and still bake cookies just because.
I think (if you are like me) the best advice I can give you is to find several things to do. Make things to do, maybe even find a nonprofit organization that you can donate your time (and skills) to. I know here, there are several groups that do newsletters and things that need writing help. It could work 2 ways - 1, give you something to do (and raise your confidence) and 2, might connect you with someone who can give you a job.
Just a thought!
Good luck, this too will pass.
I struggled with my identity when I moved with my husband & family to a new city and "retired" from working. I finally found myself asking God to help me be content in that new situation and He did :)
Things always have a funny way of working out. I too struggle with what to do...I love staying at home but I also enjoyed working. I'd love to get back out there but can't bring myself to do it. Good Luck!
I can't give advice, and I can't make it better, but I can pray-- and I will. Best wishes!
I am so sorry that things have been so hard! I will keep you in my prayers, I promise... Maybe what God has for you is just different than what you had before. I don't have any answers really, but maybe there's something you have always wanted to do, and it would be the perfect chance to try it out now? Do you write books? Love working with kids?
I have been struggling lately with some of this, because now after 12 years of parenting, our children are in school all day...what do I do with the extra time? What should I do? It can be so overwhelming sometimes! Anyway, I'm not trying to make this about me, but just letting you know I think I "get" what you're saying! I will pray that God will lead you directly where He wants you to be! (Jeremiah 29:11~ a promise I cling to!) (At least I am pretty sure it's 29:11!)
Hugs,
Jenni
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