Thursday, December 18, 2008
Is it possible to find some sort of peace?
I'm having a very hard time with my anger and bitterness over this layoff situation. The more I learn about how things went down, the angrier I get. What makes it worse for me is that some of my "friends" from my job...people who I was very close with and did things with outside of the office...haven't shown any interest in maintaining our friendships.
I am sad and angry that a major life "thing" Hubs and I were working on now has to stop because of my job loss. A thing that wasn't coming easily on it's own as it was, but now it can't even be a consideration. It hurts when I see this particular thing come so easily to other people.
I read on blogs where people have something wonderful happen and they say "it was God's timing." The Christian in me believes that's true, but the human in me is screaming "was it God's timing for me to be put in this bad situation?" It's funny how people say "it was God's timing" only when something good has happened to them.
Praying and reading the Bible isn't helping me at all. It makes me very sad to say that, and in my heart I know God is here with me. But I'm being honest here. Every night I pray (in addition to my "regular" prayers), that not only that I can find something well suited to me, but that my friends who were put in the same position can find something as well. I also pray that I can have patience while waiting for this, and that I can have peace with what was dealt to me and let go of the anger.
It's not working.
I feel angry, sad, hurt and lost. I feel like I don't have a purpose. I'm frustrated.
I try to read my favorite scriptures.
It's not helping.
What can I do?